Expectations

I have really neglected my blog. Apologies, I've been busy with school and all. I can't believe I am now the holder of a masters degree. It hasn't really sunk in yet. It honestly feels like it was just yesterday I was preparing to travel to the UK and now I'm back and have completed my studies. I guess time really does fly when you're enjoying yourself. Well, I am back and I still feel as though I am trying to figure out which direction I want my life to take. I have always been passionate about health so I strive to make an impact in the global health arena.

Since I've been back I have realised that people have these expectations from you which you are expected to live up to. I have watched most of my high school classmates get engaged, married and have children and I feel people are now expecting me to follow suite in terms of my personal life. I guess it makes sense since I have attained a second degree and the next step would be finding "Mr Right". With my track record, I don't forsee that happening anytime soon. I feel as though I need to figure out where my career is heading and get settled in that aspect of my life first. That's my priority right now.

I in no way feel pressured to find a husband or marry. I don't know why. It just has not bothered me. I actually don't think I'll get married and if I ever do it'll be when I am past the age of 33 most probably.  A part of me, however, does feel broody. I see babies ad I catch myself imagining what one of my own would look like. Little fingers and little toes and a cute little nose. Anyone who knows me knows I have a thing for babies. I absolutely adore them. So much so that I find myself looking at the baby section in shops. It's such a problem yet I can't help it, anything baby related is so stinking cute. It's strange how I drift between not wanting children at all and feeling broody.

Anyway, I am expected to marry and have children in the near future. I'm just not sure this is what I actually want. I've been struggling to feel motivated to do anything at the moment. I do hope that that this feeling soon passes. All in all, I'm beginning to realize that I don't need to live up to anybody's expectations but my own.

Recollect

I haven't posted anything for quite sometime and I have been trying to get myself to blog more. Well it's been an interesting couple of months. I feel as though I have messed up and I'm still trying to fix the wrongs. At this point there is nothing I can do except console myself and vow never to repeat the same mistake. Just as much as things are kind of falling apart, they are coming together.

So today I came across this beautiful blog (which motivated me to get back in the swing of things) which I sat and gushed over for several hours. Filled with beatiful images and lovely stories. I found it so intriguing. I couldn't get over how simple yet captivating it was. Then I got thinking, why don't I blog more too!
Sharing is such a beautiful thing and if you can why not share. Whether it's style tips or life experiences.

I feel as though the next couple of months will be a major turning point in my life. I will be undergoing some major life changes which I am extremely excited about. I can barely wait! I want to take in every moment, not down every experience and just make the most of it.

I think I need to make some major changes internally and sort of gather myself so I can refocus as I feel in the past year I have lost focus, lost sight of what is relevant and necessary for my personal growth and well being.

Here is to the beginning of yet another new journey.

K.

Recollect

I haven't posted anything for quite sometime and I have been trying to get myself to blog more. Well it's been an interesting couple of months. I feel as though I have messed up and I'm still trying to fix the wrongs. At this point there is nothing I can do except console myself and vow never to repeat the same mistake. Just as much as things are kind of falling apart, they are coming together.

So today I came across this beautiful blog (which motivated me to get back in the swing of things) which I sat and gushed over for several hours. Filled with beatiful images and lovely stories. I found it so intriguing. I couldn't get over how simple yet captivating it was. Then I got thinking, why don't I blog more too!
Sharing is such a beautiful thing and if you can why not share. Whether it's style tips or life experiences.

I feel as though the next couple of months will be a major turning point in my life. I will be undergoing some major life changes which I am extremely excited about. I can barely wait! I want to take in every moment, not down every experience and just make the most of it.

I think I need to make some major changes internally and sort of gather myself so I can refocus as I feel in the past year I have lost focus, lost sight of what is relevant and necessary for my personal growth and well being.

Here is to the beginning of yet another new journey.

K.

Recollect

I haven't posted anything for quite sometime and I have been trying to get myself to blog more. Well it's been an interesting couple of months. I feel as though I have messed up and I'm still trying to fix the wrongs. At this point there is nothing I can do except console myself and vow never to repeat the same mistake. Just as much as things are kind of falling apart, they are coming together.

So today I came across this beautiful blog (which motivated me to get back in the swing of things) which I sat and gushed over for several hours. Filled with beatiful images and lovely stories. I found it so intriguing. I couldn't get over how simple yet captivating it was. Then I got thinking, why don't I blog more too!
Sharing is such a beautiful thing and if you can why not share. Whether it's style tips or life experiences.

I feel as though the next couple of months will be a major turning point in my life. I will be undergoing some major life changes which I am extremely excited about. I can barely wait! I want to take in every moment, not down every experience and just make the most of it.

I think I need to make some major changes internally and sort of gather myself so I can refocus as I feel in the past year I have lost focus, lost sight of what is relevant and necessary for my personal growth and well being.

Here is to the beginning of yet another new journey.

K.

Happy

I realized today that there are different levels of happiness and the older you get the more intense it is.
When your young you would be happy about passing your math test or finding the last pair of jeans in your size. These small things,  they still exist and we all have our small moments of happiness but then there are the big things.  These would include finding your life partner among other things. These also include having a baby and watching your children grow up. The major things. Usually it works both ways. Almost as if it's an equation that always needs to be balanced. Life is centered around balance.  This meaning the level of sadness is increased aswell. This is an emotion nobody wants intensified.  When everything goes wrong,  it goes terribly wrong. But when your happy, you pay no attention to what could go wrong sometimes. We forget how vulnerable we really are. That what is there won't always be there, the people we love won't always be there to support us. That thought alone is pretty disheartening.  We all know nothing lasts forever but as humans we try by all means to ignore this fact. That's why I think you should embrace every moment of happiness.  Whether it's something small or major. Revel in it for it may not last long. This is the main aim in life, to be happy. So take a moment and soak it all in. No matter how insignificant it may seem.

Grudges, Sanity and Resentment.

It's interesting how they say one should not hold  grudge.s Let it go...let it be.
And I thought it was easy...to simply let go. No anger....no hard feelings.  But it honestly takes a lot to actually completely let something go and just be
.
Firstly there is so much anger. So much of it, you don’t know what to do with. If only one could give it out, distribute it amongst friends or family...so that it's less intense. Because I have quickly learned, if you don't do anything to relieve yourself of all that anger it will consume you. Make you bitter and ofcourse you only end up hurting yourself. Nobody else.  Hence the saying "anger is similiar to taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

I'm not sure what to do. Trying to let it go but I am angry. So mad. I need an outlet for my anger. Otherwise I feel I will go insane. It's something that will take time...but with time it will pass. Life will go on. But I will let it go. I have to. It's definitely not worth being consumed over. Not for anyone.

Secondly, hurt. Too hurt to forgive and move on. It takes a very strong person to whole heartedly forgive someone who has hurt them. To forgive is to be the bigger person. The better person. It retains your sanity because I feel like I'm losing my mind. Slowly but surely. 

2013 in Review

I can't believe the year is done. It feels as if it just flew by. The year went a little differently than I had expected it to. I am just glad there are only two months left of this internship. I am looking forward to moving on to better things.

Looking back there isn't anything I have done that I regret in the past year. There have been instances where I have doubted myself, but there is nothing I would take back. I am however a little undecided as to whether the year was an eventful one or not. I had to say goodbye to two members of my family this year in a span of about a month. I think all in all this year had it's ups and downs. An up was graduating. I think that's the only major thing this year that I was really looking forward to.

I have so many plans for 2014. I am so set on accomplishing them. I mean there are days where I am so sure of who I am and what I want and other days it's like I have no fucking clue of what it is I actually want.
All I do know is that I am not at the point in my life where I am completely happy. I still feel as though something is lacking. I would love to always be sure of myself and not feel insecure or as if I have no idea of what I'm doing. There are honestly some days when I'm just tired or feel sad for no reason. which makes no sense to me at all.

I'm looking forward to the new year and what it has to offer. 2014 here I come!!!