2013 in Review

I can't believe the year is done. It feels as if it just flew by. The year went a little differently than I had expected it to. I am just glad there are only two months left of this internship. I am looking forward to moving on to better things.

Looking back there isn't anything I have done that I regret in the past year. There have been instances where I have doubted myself, but there is nothing I would take back. I am however a little undecided as to whether the year was an eventful one or not. I had to say goodbye to two members of my family this year in a span of about a month. I think all in all this year had it's ups and downs. An up was graduating. I think that's the only major thing this year that I was really looking forward to.

I have so many plans for 2014. I am so set on accomplishing them. I mean there are days where I am so sure of who I am and what I want and other days it's like I have no fucking clue of what it is I actually want.
All I do know is that I am not at the point in my life where I am completely happy. I still feel as though something is lacking. I would love to always be sure of myself and not feel insecure or as if I have no idea of what I'm doing. There are honestly some days when I'm just tired or feel sad for no reason. which makes no sense to me at all.

I'm looking forward to the new year and what it has to offer. 2014 here I come!!!

Dark skinned Goddess

This quite literally just made my day. The fact that Manuela Madong as dark and as beautiful as she is made it to the top 10 of the Miss World beauty pageant. Just goes to show that the general perception of beauty is changing. One does not necessarily have to be light skinned to be beautiful. She is simply gorgeous.

Acceptance and inner peace.

I sometimes struggle to find that inner peace. That feeling of content one has with their life. It does not come easy. We struggle sometimes to accept who we are or who we have become. For me it feels like a vicious cycle. Just when I have my feet firmly on the ground and I feel everything is okay, suddenly it feels like the ground beneath me gives way….a constant struggle….a vicious cycle….round and round.

Falling down

I am humbled, experience has taught me so much. it truly has been the best teacher. We make mistakes so we can learn from them. From that we grow, mature to eventually become who we are, who we are supposed to be. I would not take back the negative experiences I have had in my life for they are the foundation, the building blocks that make up who I am today. Every tear shed, and every moment wasted was worth it. It sounds strange to say. It definitely did not seem that way then, but now I understand it. It finally makes sense.

Saw this and thought it was beautiful :)

I want to be the one

I want to be the one who makes your heart skip a beat

I want to be the one who makes you anxious when we meet

I want to be the one you would kiss in the rain

I want to be the one you would hold through the pain

  

I want to be the one who makes you smile

I want to be the one for whom you would go that extra mile

I want to be the one you’re afraid to lose

I want to be the one you would always choose

I want to be the one you tell every secret to

I want you to be the one I can confide in too

I want you to be the one I share my life with

I want to be the one who gives you strength

I want you to be the one I can count on when things go wrong

I want you to be the one who won’t let me cry for too long

I want to be the one with whom you would always want to be

I want you to always love me

xoxo

Perceptions

I am everything and yet I am nothing. I can't be defined, I exist in too many forms to be distinctly defined.
I am what you want me to be, my existence is solely dependent on your perceptions. You define me.
You and no one else is my creator.

There are two aspects to my existence. I can exist only on the surface, a shallow form where nothing runs deeper, there is no substance. Or there can be a deeper version of myself, one that has so many dimensions, is so much more meaningful, valuable.

They say I can be the cause of vanity but I feel I contribute more to the lack of self confidence and misery in some. Many have tried to define me, to categorize me, delineate me. They are foolish, they don't understand that I cant be delimited. Like I said, I can never be defined for I exist in too many forms. There are so many versions of myself, but they have tried and I have watched them try.

They seem to think that if one does not fit the criteria they have outlined, what they have defined me to be, then they surely can't be me.

Well, I am here to tell you that they are wrong. I am whatever you choose. I exist only in your eyes. You need to remember that I am relative. I am here, I am not there. I am nowhere and yet I am everywhere.  I want you to know that you are me in the very many different versions in which I exist.

I admit that I do not dwell in perfection, but rather am the epitome of imperfection. When they defined me, they defined me as perfection. That is not me, that will never be me.

Sincerely yours
Beauty.