Happy

I realized today that there are different levels of happiness and the older you get the more intense it is.
When your young you would be happy about passing your math test or finding the last pair of jeans in your size. These small things,  they still exist and we all have our small moments of happiness but then there are the big things.  These would include finding your life partner among other things. These also include having a baby and watching your children grow up. The major things. Usually it works both ways. Almost as if it's an equation that always needs to be balanced. Life is centered around balance.  This meaning the level of sadness is increased aswell. This is an emotion nobody wants intensified.  When everything goes wrong,  it goes terribly wrong. But when your happy, you pay no attention to what could go wrong sometimes. We forget how vulnerable we really are. That what is there won't always be there, the people we love won't always be there to support us. That thought alone is pretty disheartening.  We all know nothing lasts forever but as humans we try by all means to ignore this fact. That's why I think you should embrace every moment of happiness.  Whether it's something small or major. Revel in it for it may not last long. This is the main aim in life, to be happy. So take a moment and soak it all in. No matter how insignificant it may seem.

Grudges, Sanity and Resentment.

It's interesting how they say one should not hold  grudge.s Let it go...let it be.
And I thought it was easy...to simply let go. No anger....no hard feelings.  But it honestly takes a lot to actually completely let something go and just be
.
Firstly there is so much anger. So much of it, you don’t know what to do with. If only one could give it out, distribute it amongst friends or family...so that it's less intense. Because I have quickly learned, if you don't do anything to relieve yourself of all that anger it will consume you. Make you bitter and ofcourse you only end up hurting yourself. Nobody else.  Hence the saying "anger is similiar to taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

I'm not sure what to do. Trying to let it go but I am angry. So mad. I need an outlet for my anger. Otherwise I feel I will go insane. It's something that will take time...but with time it will pass. Life will go on. But I will let it go. I have to. It's definitely not worth being consumed over. Not for anyone.

Secondly, hurt. Too hurt to forgive and move on. It takes a very strong person to whole heartedly forgive someone who has hurt them. To forgive is to be the bigger person. The better person. It retains your sanity because I feel like I'm losing my mind. Slowly but surely. 

2013 in Review

I can't believe the year is done. It feels as if it just flew by. The year went a little differently than I had expected it to. I am just glad there are only two months left of this internship. I am looking forward to moving on to better things.

Looking back there isn't anything I have done that I regret in the past year. There have been instances where I have doubted myself, but there is nothing I would take back. I am however a little undecided as to whether the year was an eventful one or not. I had to say goodbye to two members of my family this year in a span of about a month. I think all in all this year had it's ups and downs. An up was graduating. I think that's the only major thing this year that I was really looking forward to.

I have so many plans for 2014. I am so set on accomplishing them. I mean there are days where I am so sure of who I am and what I want and other days it's like I have no fucking clue of what it is I actually want.
All I do know is that I am not at the point in my life where I am completely happy. I still feel as though something is lacking. I would love to always be sure of myself and not feel insecure or as if I have no idea of what I'm doing. There are honestly some days when I'm just tired or feel sad for no reason. which makes no sense to me at all.

I'm looking forward to the new year and what it has to offer. 2014 here I come!!!

Dark skinned Goddess

This quite literally just made my day. The fact that Manuela Madong as dark and as beautiful as she is made it to the top 10 of the Miss World beauty pageant. Just goes to show that the general perception of beauty is changing. One does not necessarily have to be light skinned to be beautiful. She is simply gorgeous.

Acceptance and inner peace.

I sometimes struggle to find that inner peace. That feeling of content one has with their life. It does not come easy. We struggle sometimes to accept who we are or who we have become. For me it feels like a vicious cycle. Just when I have my feet firmly on the ground and I feel everything is okay, suddenly it feels like the ground beneath me gives way….a constant struggle….a vicious cycle….round and round.

Falling down

I am humbled, experience has taught me so much. it truly has been the best teacher. We make mistakes so we can learn from them. From that we grow, mature to eventually become who we are, who we are supposed to be. I would not take back the negative experiences I have had in my life for they are the foundation, the building blocks that make up who I am today. Every tear shed, and every moment wasted was worth it. It sounds strange to say. It definitely did not seem that way then, but now I understand it. It finally makes sense.

Saw this and thought it was beautiful :)